Going through the property of a loved one after death!

After someone has passed away you have the “what now” syndrome. There is so much to do and no desire, energy or will to do it. That's ok.

My personal experience is DON'T RUSH IT. If you rush it you may make decisions off the cuff, based on pressure from family or friends, brash without consideration and thought. Thirty days, One Hundred Twenty Days or even a year later you wonder why you did what you did, or made decisions that you made. You want to blame those who rushed you but you don't. You want to scream, yell and kick but you don't. Instead you quietly beat yourself up over those quick decisions that were not well thought through. The best advice I can give you is DON'T RUSH.

Don't worry about what others think or say. If you are not ready to clean out the closets, or go through the boxes in the garage - DON'T, there is no rush. You'll do it when you are ready. When will that happen? When life isn’t pushing or rushing you, when you have a more clear perspective of what to do and how you want to do it, then you’ll know it’s time.

Now the above is all based on the fact the deceased does not have a will. If they do then the executor of the estate will properly handle each item in accordance with the wishes of the deceased.

The After

Is death freedom from pain and suffering? Is death our passage to greater plain of existence? What is death? Maybe it's both of things. I guess it depends on where you are in life when you die. We each have different beliefs and thoughts of what happens after we die. Somehow though I think when the end comes we all end up in the same place regardless of our independent beliefs. We each end up in the after. The after is a place of calm. The after is a place of peace.

..."go gentle into that good night." How will you go into the night? What is your night like?

Very much in life we dispute varying religions, religious practices and ways of life. In death the disputes are over. You will simply let the unknown peaceful surrounding settle you in.

I like to believe that after death we reach peace. It doesn't matter to me what you call your peace, or where your peace exists, just that its peaceful. Thereby, all that have passed can have everlasting peace.

Rest in peace our dearly beloved.

Suffering Loss Each Day

When someone you know dies you suffer loss. You go through stages of grief. Most people tell you to seek counseling and it’s probably a good idea. Unfortunately, you just aren't ready to hear what they are saying. I'm thinking it's one of the stages of grief. The level of grief we suffer generally is based on the closeness of the relationship with the one who has passed on.

It's interesting in society how we all know that when someone dies we will experience grief. Thereby, everyone logically expects some sort of grief loss after the death of a family member or friend. When death occurs because of sudden illness, accident or tragedy we are generally placed in some sort of shock prior to going through the stages of grief. Yet, logically we begin to realize that we are going through stages of grief and accept that is the way it is.

What about those who have a family member or friend suffering from a long term illness? In some instances, these family members have been going through this for so long they are almost relieved when their loved one passes, like they have been freed from the pain and suffering and are finally at peace. In those instances, the individuals probably have received some type of grieve counseling during this process. Other times the individuals are not prepared for the actual death because they have been involved in the dying phase for so long it's been nothing but a roller coaster. Perhaps, the patient it getting better then takes a turn for the worse and this process repeats for months, sometimes years. These individuals are so heavily invested in the day to day they haven't found counseling for themselves. It's those who are inundated with the day to day of someone's illness they haven't had a chance to seek counseling or get any help for their grief so when the end comes it's overwhelming.

While it’s hard to take time out for ourselves, especially when someone is dying right before our eyes, it's important. We need to have some down time. A chance to process our own feelings. A chance to eat, sleep and recharge. A chance to pray. A chance to simply breathe. This does not make you a bad person; it just makes you a person. It's ok to grieve.

This is a great site to help you with stages and information of grief:

http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/publications/allpubs/Ken-01-0104/default.asp

http://home.att.net/~velvet-hammer/grief.html